Shut up ,Get out and Never Come Back.

I woke up on the wrong side of my bed, half my face wet (with something I don't know).

Didn't have the right appetite for breakfast so i ate anything I saw till I was full.

Felt so lazy yet I finished my geom homework.

Ate lunch. Went to Galle. Brother had a dentist appointment.

Bought new school shoes and shirts( for house meeting on Monday).

Met with my aunt. Bought stuff. Bought dinner. Went to my aunt's house.

Ate dinner( dinner wasn't my type). Went home.

The whole day. Didn't smile much. Been thinking stuff through. Can't help my self but be regretful.

Been thinking of why does she ignore and avoid me? What did this person didn't want me to know what they were talking about? were they talking about me? I think so. Should I even care or take a chance with her?

I don't know. The Internet never cooperated with me. Its like inside I'm saying "what did I do wrong?" "do I deserve this?"

Well, I think I do desevre this. I have been planting seeds of anger upon people. But I don't think those people desevre my trust my respect my loyalty my anything. They did me wrong so why should I care? I should. I shouldn't have sown seeds of anger and hate. Maybe this was the reason... I don't really know.

I just wish I could just talk to them bluntly. I could talk to people anytime. Well, Its not like that.
Its hard for me to talk to people. I don't know how to talk to them. How to have a serious talk. A talk where I could just pour out my heart so they can understand whats in my heart and mind.

I don't like being sad. I don't like the girl in my previous posts. It made me think I can't trust anyone. I don't even care anymore. I don't want to be sad. Most of them don't even see what I see. Think what I think. Feel what I feel. Just one word could change my perspective of someone.

Sometimes I wish I had a heart of stone. Doesn't care. Doesn't love. Doesn't give a damn about others.

My day is complete...

<-- this post in my tumblr made my day!http://staybesideme.tumblr.com/

Sorry...

I feel guilty last night.

I'm SORRY... I didn't really have the right to be mad last night...

A wall is a just a wall...

If there is one thing that can keep me calm right now is hearing something form somebody or keep punching a wall till i hear it say "it hurts"

One time you're on top of the world. Then you were pushed betrayed hurt the now you're falling to a bottomless pit.

Do you know that feeling?

You believed this person then he stabs your back.

You gave him your trust the he just breaks it in front of you.

You taught him everything then he uses your teachings against you.

My never anding fantasy ended in a never ending nightmare

I just felt my heart go down.
Its was just like thinking that you were something yet you were nothing at all.
It was like thinking you had an opportunity that was disguised as a pit where you can never get out.

I even though i felt like this many times before but I never got used to it.
Never got used to the pain, never got used to being the "sub"
Never got used to thinking that there is still hope but it was crushed right in front of me.

I thought... I thought... thats always the problem... I THOUGHT.
I was never sure. I never was sure. I'd rather sleep right now and forget it in the morning but I can't sleep because it will be the only thing I'm going to think about before I sleep.

I HATE IT! ITS B***S***!
I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS.
Yet I am always like this. I have a feeling I won't sleep early later. Its hard to accept that you prioritized a person yet that person put you as an option.

Is there really hope in the world?

This day is so... effing annoying. I'll just type and type until everything in my head is let out.

I just don't get it. I know I don't have enough of a reason to be like this.

I had a feeling this would and now I think I it is happening already.

Just the thought of her, makes it even more painful to think that it maybe true that I'm not really that kind of a guy. The guy that could be with her. The guy that can make her happy. It just doesn't even add up. I don't want to think of it anymore.

I just feel forgotten. I just feel that she doesn't even notice me. I feel that she doesn't even care.

Its just that it can never happen the way i thought it would. Its just so hard to think right now.

I don't want to feel like this anymore but it is like an arrow ,no not an arrow, a spear pierced through my heart then go through my back.

I feel betrayed. I feel weak. I feel hopeless.

Its just that everything about her is just perfect. I can't even go a second not thinking of her.

I want to keep putting all my feelings in this post yet at the same time letting out in a scream.

If you would ever read this don't get me wrong its just the feeling I am now. I still don't know if it is really like this. I don't know anymore. I want to vent all this tomorrow during PE or in Basketball. I just need to hit something. I just want something to happen this week, soemthing happy.

I think you won;t even understand anything I wrote here. Even I didn't get anything I wrote.

Words can't say what love can do...

First week of classes but it is still thursday.

My First Impression of 2014... Guys: DAMING MAANGAS! BV! Girls: Hm... I think they are shy? hahah

My First week as a soph was 10^2 more stressful than my first week as a freshie.
Well, its what I should expect for the most demanding year.
And also, still haven't gotten a decent conversation with her this week.
Dangit!

I don't know what to do now... I'm just so bored.

OW by the way, Lakers-Celtics game 4 tomorrow. Go LAKERS!! =))

I'll be here all year so get used to it.

Enrollment. Sectioning. Re-orientation. New classmates.



Tiring. Sucks. Boring. I don't want to say it.



I feel so messed up. I feel like I have a hangover yet I didn't even drink.

I feel so mad at myself for not even trying to speak to her this afternoon.

I can't think of anything to say. Well, at least she looked so pretty. Yeah, and I could just stare into her eyes and be lost. I could just be doing this but I choose not to. I know I have the balls for it. I have the confidence to say it to her. But not now. Not this soon. I'll have to think of what might happen after. I have to put into play what might happen after. I don't want to mess the 1st month of school for her. I just don't. So, I'll not tell her this soon.

I hope when she sees this she might understand whats going through my head.

To put it simply, I like you too much. I can't help myself. So, I am not telling you what I feel. Not yet. I'll only tell you when the best time comes.